This man says to me, "Once Saved Always Saved is an evil, destructive ABMONINATION!"
Me, being the smart-ass jerk that I am, says, "Well, how many times DO I need to get SAVED?"
Unfortunately, the man doesn't see the humor in this and starts in with Calvin stuff and "Eternal Salvation" stuff and one theological conundrum after another. And, man oh man, he's quoting reams of Bible at me. Then he REALLY gets going and starts in with "What if this" and "What if THAT" and so I have stop him again .
"Dude," I say, "Why would I ever want to do this or that?"
"But what IF YOU DID!" he exclaims.
"Why would I ever want to offend the one who loved me enough to die for me? After all, He said He would never leave me or forsake me."
Now I've done it. He is beet red, yelling and screaming, so when he stops to catch his breath, I say, "Look, if you want to spend your life hacking at theological straw men, be my guest. Me and Jesus are going to walk down to the park and listen to the birds sing."